Lola Life

I became a mom at 20, and I turned 21 - 10 days later. I have no idea how I did that. Looking back, I see things I am proud of and things I could have done better. I was from a broken dysfunctional family and even though I knew that I did not want that cycle to continue. I had no idea how to correct some of my deep-rooted tendencies I learned early on in life. I was self-destructive, narcissistic, violent, and lacked empathy for anyone around me. My path slowly and painfully evolved throughout the years. I have been blessed enough to have had help through out my jouney.  I was  blessed with an eclectic yet solid support system that has mostly remained the same since my eldest son's elementary years.  I am not perfect by any means, but I am not broken anymore.  I am constantly learning from those around me.  I am more forgiving than ever before.  I am quick to walk away to save my peace, but  I still have my moments where I dig in.  

I was a hard mother, I ruled with a militant style, and left little for grey areas. I would like to think that I have grown and can now see an entire spectrum of color where I once only saw black and white.  However, I am firm in my belief that not all the black and white was a mistake. My sons are better men for me keeping certain people at an arm’s length. BUT, I also realize I could have been more flexible in so many areas; I could have relaxed more. I cannot change the things from then, but I can use those lessons moving forward, and hope those around me continue to forgive my shortcomings.

My three sons are all very diffrent and hold very diffrent roles within our family, but I am proud to be their mother and to call them mine.  The eldest, is wise beyond his years, open hearted and yet firm, he will always set you forward moving.  The middle one is focused on his path, always searching for those who need him while reaching for the whole world.  The youngest, is an electric curve ball full of life and spirit, forcing those around him to be quick thinkers to keep up with him.

I have a daughter who is in prison due to her own poor decisions, I love her and communicate with her often.  She is a prime example of "I love you, but I do not like you." Enduring her as a teenager was enough to make anyone rethink their life.  

I have bonus daughters who I adore and who are so different from each other but sisters by blood. The oldest has made me a better mother because I have had to learn when to take a step back and learn when to step forward  like a cha cha as a  mother.  She is like gazing into a mirror and yet so diffrent at the same time. I still lack some emotional boundaries & am still learning to teach by example and not by dragging everyone to the water, she puts this to test more than anyone else I know. 

The youngest keeps my sense of humor alive and well, it's like Forest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you are gonna get." She is my box of chocolates.  

I love them all immensley and would move mountains for them.